Generous (?) Gifts

I realized the other day that I still have not followed through on the gift that I promised to the people who were following along with the Spring Cleaning Fail that I attempted in May.  I have three contestants (feels so important to type that!) to chose from and since I am so happy about having those three people join me I am going to send all 3 of you a gift!!!  I know, I know the Cleaning plan was a failure BUT the point is that I made the promise and I will follow through.  I just remembered that there were 2 people at the time who were also following along but had trouble getting their comments to work.  That's okay!!  I will be fair and send those two special folks a gift as well.  This should be fun!!!  I can't guarantee that they will be homemade or that they will even be made by moi.  Just be thankful I remembered :).

Update:  I have been able to complete some of the other cleaning tasks on my list since I recovered from my sinus infection.  What a blessing!!!   I am just not chronicling any of it.  After two fails - I think I give up with that.

Thanks for reading!!!  I hope to be writing more in the future.  I also have my quilt fail that I have to publish - need to share so others don't make the same minky mistakes.  

What You Feel is Not Always Real: Finding God When I Didn't Have a Clue

The summer when I was eight years old I became very ill with something the doctors thought at first was Beaver Fever but later it turned out to be something else that I don't know the name of.  I became so ill that eventually I was admitted into the hospital and stayed there on an IV for 5 days, to re-hydrate me and pump me with antibiotics.

I remember alot from that time and it's interesting to me now to go back in the recesses of my brain and see what happened from an adult perspective.  I was admitted at night because I had continued to vomit all that day and by the end of it my mother was quite concerned that this had gone on for too many days. My mother stayed with me for as long as she could during the process and her presence was my comfort.  The dark hallway of the hospital was where they kept me before I was put in a room and it was there that it hurt when they poked me to insert the IV but once it was in I was okay again.

Eventually, I was put in a big room all to myself and I remember my Mom reading a Reader's Digest beside my bed, waiting hopefully for me to sleep.  Sleep was a long time coming, Mom had to leave and I suspect that was because my brother was only 10 at the time and she had to get home to relieve the babysitter. Dad was out of town. I didn't cry when she left, I just felt very alone and afraid.  I alieved my fear by making multiple trips to the washroom as it was better to have something to do and some place to go than to lie in bed and be afraid. I don't remember what I was afraid of.  I didn't think that I was dying.

I didn't fear death but rather I was scared of the dark room and being alone.  I don't remember thinking about God or being directed to pray or being lead in prayer.  I had no clue that God was there with me.
During one bathroom visit  I heard the nurses talking about me in hushed tones as my room was next to the nursing station. "She keeps going to the washroom but surely she doesn't really have to go".  I felt slighted and more alone.  They were stating the obvious but no one came to comfort me.

The next morning, I was kept busy for awhile, having a bath with the help of a nice young nurse and brushing my hair.  Once all of that was accomplished the anxiety returned and I walked to the security doors at the end of the hall and cried and cried till I had nothing left to cry.  No one came to talk to me.

Did God comfort me through those days?  Was He with me when I didn't have a real awareness of who He was or how to communicate with Him?  My Dad called the next day and I was able to talk to him on the phone.  A family friend came to visit and brought me a tea cup and saucer that I have keep all these years.
My Mom came every day.  All of these things comforted me and the LORD used them to comfort me for which I am very thankful.

Yet, I look back and I am sad that spiritually I was not led to the throne of grace and mercy.  I am sad that no one prayed with my eight year old self when I desperately was in need.  I know that my family was praying for me but that's only something I assume now, no one mentioned it to me at the time.  When I was well, my parents were indeed thankful for my health and stated that several times to me.  I was thankful too!! We thanked the LORD at meal time prayers. All good stuff.  God was there.  He preserved my life and He has held me so close ever since that experience.

And still yet, it's a reminder to me as a parent to be aware of the urgent need to lead my children to our Father in heaven constantly and diligently.  I don't mean this story to be a negative woe is me tale or to portray my parents as neglectful.  My parents loved and still love me - that is something to be very thankful for.       

For a long time I wondered where God was when all of this happened and He allowed me to be so frightened - I don't fully know all the answers but it has made me empathize with our children more and it's given me the insight that you may go through times or challenges in your life and look back and say "Where was God?" but the answer is that He was there all along.  When I was eight I didn't have a living faith yet but I was still a Covenant child who knew about Him and His stories. God was working on things for His good pleasure, for His glory.  Yes, that's the thing I have to always remember:  It's Not About Me.  Yes, LORD, just keep telling me that because I very easily forget!!!

Thank you LORD for continuing to show me your grace and holding me close so that even when it doesn't FEEL like it, I can know that you are real and that you are always there.  AMEN
   

The Voice of Truth

                                                         "Voice Of Truth"

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Casting Crowns

Someone close to me sang this song to a crowd and I was blessed to be in the audience.  It was beautiful!!  The LORD is amazing in the ways that He encourages us.  Lately, I have been seeing Him everywhere!! 

Do you have waves and giants to stand up against?  I think we all do.  

What are they telling you?  Mine quite often tell me that I don't know what I am doing or that what I am doing is silly. Sometimes, I can ignore them and listen to the Voice of Truth but other times I give in and before I know it the reason for all my suffering is for the simple reason of not relying on God but on myself.  

How does that work?  "You just have low self worth" one may say. It's actually worse than that - it's low God esteem.  We are low because we are listening to the negative voices in our heads that tell us untrue things which subsequently get us down and then we don't do anything anymore as we are called to do.  We are frozen.  

As we go on ignoring God's power we also tend to think too much about ourselves, our relationships (lots of women do this) and very little good things about others.  Can you be low and think too much of yourself at the same time?  The answer is a resounding "yes".  It is the thinking about yourself ALL the TIME and your relationships in a negative way and NOT thinking about the LORD that creates both a LOW mood AND an arrogant attitude.  Yes, we do need to be introspective and look at ourselves every day to find sin, repent and find ways to avoid it again but if we constantly do that or if we are in a constant "me" mode where does that bring us?  That brings us to the very ugly palace of self-love.  

What else can we do?  Get in the Word!!  Pray constantly for others and focus on others in a positive way while doing your best for them in the realms of the limits God has given you.  Looking to the needs of one's own household is sometimes all we are able to do for a time, especially when there are larger numbers of mouths to feed, clothe, and love.  

 I read in a book recently about a young man who believed he was about to die (but obviously did not or he would not have written the book) and he felt a peaceful calm about the forthcoming bullet.  He suddenly saw his colleagues that were with him in a different light.  He saw them in true love.  He saw them the way God intended them to be - beautiful people that he created to glorify Him.  It's almost as if He saw them in their perfect state and he was amazed at how truly, really beautiful they were.  Not physically, but just all over, inside and out.  He saw their gifts in God's light.  I pray that the LORD helps me to see people like that.  Wouldn't that correct alot of the hurt we create and see around us?  Oh yes!!  It would!!!         

When I, a terribly weak person, rely on God, I shut my eyes and make that leap of faith into the unknown. The unknown for me would be things like talking to the new person in church, reaching out to someone I fear will hurt me, or saying "yes" to a responsibility that seems far too overwhelming.  

Yet, He gives me wings and He strengthens me through days of little sleep and endless tasks. Relying on myself is really just ignoring God and what He can do, allowing my sinful thoughts to rule me and my inaction.  I am so thankful that He loves me enough to call me back to Him every time and through the Spirit I am able to experience what it is like to "walk on waves" and "fight Goliath".  How could I live with out HIM?  I truly don't know.